immiqrant:

Madonna tells the douche bags to pop off and rollerskates the fuck outta here

katara:

what kind of friend would i be if i didn’t embarrass you in public 

paceboy:

“hey mom are you ready to go to the store”

“yeah just give me a second”

cannolis:

i want to get a puppy but have someone else walk and clean it and i play with it the rest of the time

homosaurus-rex:

It’s actually a good thing that the zombie apocalypse starts in Florida because then the zombies only have one way to go and that’s straight up into trigger happy redneck territory. I give it two weeks before monster trucks and mullets save us.

skypride:

I’m so afraid of getting hurt that I try not to like people anymore 

elizabreast:

buy me a boyfriend 

vileplume:

bad hair life

keithmorris:

i wanted to know what a duck looked like without a beak so i googled it and ive been laughing at this photo for about 3 minutes

basedgosh:

illegalize “hai”

snoopdong:

I wear short-sleeve shirts over long-sleeve shirts over short-sleeve shirts